Surviving and Thriving Through the Holidays: Therapist’s Guide for Parents
Written by Erin M Randol, MSW, LCSW
The holiday season: it can feel like magic, connection, joy… and overwhelm. As a clinician working with busy parents in therapy, I see firsthand how the pressure of the holidays can show up: packed schedules, endless to-dos, expectations to “do it all,” and that invisible mental load weighing on caregivers, especially mothers.
In my recent interview with KFVS12, we talked about the common stressors parents face during this time of year and, more importantly, what you can do to make this season feel more manageable and more meaningful
🎁 1. Understand What’s Really Stressing You
Many parents describe the holidays as a pressure cooker. It’s not just the errands or the parties — it’s the internal pressure to show up “perfectly” for their kids, family, and themselves. Many parents carry what we call a mental load: the invisible, emotional work of organizing everyone’s needs, schedules, and expectations
🧠 2. Prepare for Socially Awkward Moments
Family gatherings can bring up tension, old dynamics, and uncomfortable questions (“Why aren’t you doing it this way?”). One strategy I shared in the interview is to have simple, gentle one-line responses ready that don’t escalate conflict:
“Thanks, that’s not what we’re doing this year.”
“I’m going to pass on that.”
“We’re doing something a bit different.”
🧩 3. Shift Your Holiday Mindset
The goal of the season doesn’t have to be perfect memories or Instagram-worthy moments. Consider these reframes:
Let traditions evolve maybe you skip the long travel this year, host at a different place, or create new rituals that feel joyful, not stressful.
Focus on connection over perfection. The best holiday memories often come from shared laughter, quiet moments, or even the imperfect ones we look back on fondly.
Giving yourself permission to change plans is more than practical — it’s therapeutic.
🧘♀️ 4. Build Time for Calm into Your Calendar
With packed holiday schedules, it’s easy to let breaks slip through the cracks. Research shows that practices like mindfulness, intentional pauses, and even short walks can reduce stress and improve focus during hectic seasons.
Simple ideas to consider:
A few minutes of deep breathing between events
A short walk outside with your kids or partner
A morning ritual that grounds you before the day begins
Even 5–10 minutes of self-care gives your nervous system a reset.
🧩 5. Normalize Asking for What You Need
Lasting change requires collaboration with family, friends, and often with ourselves. If relatives want to help but don’t know how, offer specific tasks. If your schedule feels too full, practice saying no to non-essential events. When you communicate with clarity and kindness, you create space for healthier boundaries.
Some families have found success saying things like:
“We can join for dessert, but we’ll head out early.”
“We’re focusing on a quiet morning this year.”
“Let’s trade off who hosts when it feels overwhelming.”
These aren’t compromises — they’re intentional choices.
❤️ 6. Remember: You Don’t Have to Do It All
You might hear a lot about “magic” around the holidays, but the real magic is belonging, connection, and presence. When you give yourself permission to slow down, set limits, and focus on what truly matters, you model healthy boundaries and resilience for your children a gift far more powerful than anything under a tree.
If the holidays feel heavy this year, that makes sense — and you’re not alone. Stress isn’t a personal failure, it’s a signal that some parts of your life need balance, support, and compassion. If you’d like support navigating these challenges, therapy can be a space to explore coping strategies, communication tools, and boundary setting so you can enjoy the season with more ease and joy.
If you are in immediate crisis, call or text 988 right away to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
