Trauma-Informed Care: Everyday Language, Real-Life Examples, and Scripts That Actually Help
Written by Erin Randol, MSW, LCSW
First: What Do We Mean by Trauma?
Trauma is not just one big, terrible event.
Trauma is what happens inside the body and nervous system when something feels overwhelming, unsafe, or too much—especially when a person feels:
Powerless
Trapped
Unheard
Alone
Two people can go through the same situation and be affected very differently.
Trauma can come from:
Medical experiences
Childhood environments
Loss, grief, or instability
Repeated stress
Trauma is not about being “too sensitive.” It’s about how the nervous system learned to survive.
Trauma-Informed Care Is Not Just for Trauma
You do not need to know someone’s trauma history to use trauma-informed care.
Trauma-informed care works because:
Stress and overwhelm affect everyone
Nervous systems respond similarly under pressure
People function better when they feel safe and respected
This approach is helpful when someone is:
Frustrated
Shut down
Defensive
Overwhelmed
Resistant
Emotional
Trauma-informed care helps in everyday stress, not just extreme situations.
Trauma-Informed Care Is a Way of Relating
This is not about responding perfectly in a crisis.
It’s about:
How you talk
How you set limits
How you explain decisions
How you handle conflict
It’s especially important in ongoing or emerging relationships, like:
Teacher–student
Nurse–patient
Volunteer–community member
Staff–client
Adult–child
Trust is built before things go wrong.
What Trauma-Informed Care Is (In Real Life)
Trauma-informed care means:
You assume behavior has a reason
You focus on safety before compliance
You offer clarity instead of control
You keep your boundaries while staying respectful
It sounds calm, clear, and human.
What Trauma-Informed Care Is NOT
Trauma-informed care is not:
Letting people do whatever they want
Avoiding rules or expectations
Ignoring your own limits
Being overly emotional or permissive
Trying to fix people
Trauma-informed does not mean “soft.” It means effective without harm.
The Core Building Blocks (With Everyday Examples)
1. SAFETY
Safety is the foundation. People can’t think clearly or cooperate when they feel unsafe.
What Safety Looks Like Day to Day
Predictable routines
Clear rules
Honest explanations
Calm tone
Real-Life Examples
A student acts out when instructions are unclear
A patient becomes short when rushed
A volunteer shuts down when corrected publicly
Safety Scripts
“Here’s what’s okay and what’s not.”
“This is what I can help with.”
“I want this to feel respectful for both of us.”
“Let me explain what’s happening next.”
Clear expectations create safety more than kindness alone.
2. CHOICE
Choice helps people feel less trapped. Even small choices matter.
What Choice Looks Like Day to Day
Options instead of commands
Conditional yeses
Predictable order of events
Real-Life Examples
A child resists because everything feels forced
A patient becomes angry when decisions feel rushed
A client disengages when they feel talked over
Choice Scripts
“You can choose A or B.”
“Yes, we can do that if ____.”
“First this, then that.”
“You’re allowed to say no.”
Choice does not remove structure—it makes structure tolerable.
3. TRUST
Trust grows when people feel heard, not corrected.
What Trust Looks Like Day to Day
Checking your understanding
Admitting when you don’t know
Staying curious
Real-Life Examples
A teen shuts down when misunderstood
A patient becomes defensive when rushed
A volunteer disengages after being dismissed
Trust Scripts
“Am I understanding you correctly?”
“I might be missing something—can you tell me more?”
“That makes sense given what you’re dealing with.”
“I’m not sure yet, but I can find out.”
You don’t have to agree to build trust—you have to listen.
4. COLLABORATION
Collaboration says: We’re working together, even when there are limits.
What Collaboration Looks Like
Transparency
Shared problem-solving
Naming limits clearly
Real-Life Examples
Saying no without shutting someone down
Offering alternatives instead of dead ends
Collaboration Scripts
“I hear what you want, and I’m not able to do that.”
“Here’s what I can offer right now.”
“These are the options available.”
“What are your thoughts on this plan?”
Collaboration reduces power struggles and builds buy-in.
Understanding the Nervous System (Simply)
When someone feels threatened—emotionally or physically—their body reacts.
The body may take 24–48 hours to settle
Logic comes after safety
Calm words matter more than perfect ones
Supporting Without Fixing
Stay kind
Stay clear
Stay flexible when possible
Power, Control, and Why They Backfire
Power and control can work short-term
They often damage trust long-term
Connection changes behavior more reliably
People cooperate better when they feel respected, not managed.
Trauma-Informed Boundaries
Boundaries are part of safety.
Boundary Scripts That Work
“I have 2 minutes right now.”
“I can talk now or later—your choice.”
“I’m not available for that, and I care about you.”
Boundaries don’t push people away—they make relationships sustainable.
When You’re Not Sure What to Say
Try this:
“Let me pause and think about that.”
“I want to respond thoughtfully.”
“I hear you, and I need a moment.”
Calm presence matters more than perfect language.
Final Thought
Trauma-informed care is not about doing everything right.
It’s about:
Slowing down
Being clear
Staying respectful
Building trust over time
This is how safe relationships are built—one interaction at a time.
Contact us today to get connected with one of our expert therapists to learn more.
Purchase our Trauma- Informed Care Roadmap
in our online Store with a BONUS workbook guiding you through how to show up in a trauma-informed way.
You may also access a pre-recorded you-tube training for free to learn more about the trauma informed care model. Our portion of the presentation starts around the 13-minute mark.
Watch it Here
