What Therapy, Audiobooks, and Shame Have in Common
Hi, I’m Erin Randol—a clinical social worker with 13 years in the field, 9 of those as a licensed therapist. Three years ago, I opened Sunrise Therapy Services, an online therapy practice designed to support postpartum moms, moms of young children, and anxious women who are craving confidence, clarity, and calm in their daily lives.
Most of the clients we work with at Sunrise come to us carrying the weight of mom-rage, overwhelm, anxiety, or old life events that continue to interrupt their day-to-day thoughts or behaviors.
But Wait… You Read?
When I told my husband that I was speaking at a Book Club-style event recently, he looked at me with a smirk and said, “You read books?”
We both cracked up. Because, to be fair, I’m more of a free-audiobooks-on-the-library-app kind of girl. That’s when I’m not listening to podcasts and trainings about trauma treatment, women’s mental health, or new therapy models that I end up geeking out about with my clients.
So no, I don’t always curl up with a hardcover—but the material still finds its way into my world. And into my work.
Brene Brown and the Power of Vulnerability
Let’s start with one of my go-to authors and thinkers: Brene Brown. She’s a fellow social worker who turned her research on shame, courage, and connection into bestselling books that hit people straight in the gut—in a good way.
One of her most famous insights is this:
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.”
I was reminded of this just this week in a session. A client noticed she kept over-apologizing to her sons—anticipating their disappointment and trying to cushion the blow before anything even happened. Her kids weren’t even upset most of the time. But apologizing felt automatic because it was something she learned from her past: that keeping people happy meant keeping yourself safe.
Choosing not to apologize in those moments felt incredibly vulnerable. It meant trusting herself and trusting her boys to be able to handle little disappointments. So we worked together to shape a new response, one that aligned with her core value: teaching her kids that disappointment doesn’t equal failure. Now, instead of apologizing, she says something like,
“Whew—thank goodness I have two smart boys to remind me that mistakes are okay.”
That is what courage looks like in real life.
Shame Thrives in Silence
Another big takeaway from Brene Brown’s work?
“Shame cannot survive being spoken. It cannot survive empathy.”
In the mental health world, we talk a lot about safe connection—because connection is what softens shame. Shame loves to isolate us. It tells us we’re unworthy, that we’re the only ones struggling, that our “badness” is just part of who we are.
But shame isn’t something born inside of us. It’s something learned, usually through moments where we were directly or indirectly treated as if we were bad, wrong, or not enough. I recently heard in a trauma training that shame is actually the act of someone witnessing our badness. That idea stuck with me. It explains why being vulnerable can feel terrifying—because we’re afraid of being seen in the same painful way we once were.
That’s why safe connection matters.
Internal Family Systems and the “No Bad Parts” Philosophy
This leads into one of my favorite therapy models: Internal Family Systems (IFS). I use this all the time with my clients, and there’s a wonderful book on it by Dr. Richard Schwartz called No Bad Parts.
Some of the gems from that book include:
“There are no bad parts—only parts forced into bad roles.”
“Your parts are not your enemies. They are your protectors, even if their methods are extreme.”
“Even the parts that sabotage or shame you are doing their best to help you survive.”
“Healing isn’t about fixing broken parts. It’s about freeing parts from the burdens they carry.”
In therapy, we refer to those burdens as emotional wounds—often tied up in shame, guilt, or fear.
One phrase I use often with clients is:
“Follow the yuck, not the story.”
Translation: don’t over-analyze your feelings. You don’t need to logic your way out of emotional pain. If that worked, I’d probably be out of a job.
A Story About Shame, Avoidance, and the Dentist
Let me share a story from a recent session.
A mom of a toddler came in feeling completely stuck. She hadn’t gone to the dentist in three years, even though she values health and wants to model good habits for her child. She felt embarrassed, frustrated, and annoyed with herself.
When we explored it through parts work, she noticed a tightness in her shoulders and a deep urge to avoid. That part of her—the one avoiding the dentist—wasn’t lazy or neglectful. It was scared. And when we got curious instead of judgmental, we found out why.
Lying back in the dentist chair without the ability to speak triggered something very old. It connected to a childhood part of her that felt helpless, unseen, and emotionally neglected—especially during her parents’ divorce.
Suddenly, this wasn’t about flossing or getting cavities filled. It was about safety and the fear of her needs not being met.
Once she could see that, everything shifted. She felt compassion for that younger version of herself and started to approach the dentist fear with curiosity, not shame. That’s what healing looks like in real-time.
Final Thoughts
Whether it’s shame, anxiety, mom-rage, or the million ways we feel “not good enough,” the most powerful tools I’ve seen work again and again are vulnerability, connection, and curiosity.
You don’t have to be a perfect mom. You don’t need to fix every “broken” part of you. You just need to start listening to what your emotions are trying to tell you—and learn how to show up with clarity and compassion, even in the messy moments.
And if you’re someone who prefers audiobooks over hardcovers or podcast episodes over parenting manuals—welcome. You’re my people.
Thanks for being here,
Erin
